


Suicide is Painless?

by EryMax



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:26:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3681441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EryMax/pseuds/EryMax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a hurt/comfort fanfic I wrote about Jasper Cillessen and the Dutch national team. I like writing a bit more sad and emotional stuff. Maybe I'll write more. Also the title of my fanfic come from the title music from M*A*S*H</p>
            </blockquote>





	Suicide is Painless?

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that English is not my first language. I'm Scandinavian

It's been a couple of months since the World Cup ended. The Netherlands had lost on penalties to Argentina. The Dutch goalkeeper Jasper Cillessen, blamed himself for the loss. In the months after he had fallen deeper and deeper, into a severe depression. Jasper stopped eating and his day's was spent sleeping or playing Xbox.

This weekend marked the start of the 2014/2015 Dutch Eredivise. Jasper was sitting in the locker room, thinking about not playing this game. He just might fuck up the season starter just like in the World Cup. Edwin van der Sar, heard about Cillessen feeling a bit under the weather. So he went to the locker room to talk to him. He found Jasper sitting alone in the corner. "Why are you beating yourself up the former goalkeeper asked?" Jasper answered in a omit low tone, I just feel like I let my country down. I can't even take penalties at the age of 25. I'm just a failure. Edwin was a bit shocked by the young man's answer. He managed to give him some much needed advice and counseling.

Look Jasper I'm a former goalkeeper, if you let me help I can teach you to take the penalties. You know we love you at this club, we want you to succeed here. This little motivational speech from Edwin seemed to help. Jasper's face lit up like a child on Christmas morning. Jasper told Edwin that he had to pick him up on his training offer. Before walking out of the locker room. Edwin remained in the room for a while as. Jasper and the rest of the team was heading out of the tunnel at the Amsterdam ArenA.

Ajax played a good game, and Jasper got a clean sheet. Jasper took a shower and put his clothes on. Walking out of the locker room he met Edwin in the hallway. Edwin went and gave Jasper a hug, and said I told you that you could do it. Be ready for tomorrow your training starts then. Jasper thanked him one more time before heading to his car.

The drive home was joyful, he felt like he was happy again. When he got to his apartment he made himself some food, and watched a good movie. At 10 o'clock Jasper went to bed, since Edwin had scheduled early training. Jasper got up at about 07.30, making scrambled eggs and orange juice for breakfast. He went to his training at 9 o'clock, it was hard work, and he failed one penalty after another. Jasper felt helpless, but Edwin saw that and told him it takes time to get good at these things.

That was the last he saw of Cillessen for a long time. Jasper had just gone home, cellphone and everything turned off. He laid down on the bed crying into his pillow. Screaming Jasper you're a failure, you can't even save a penalty on training . The crying continued until Jasper got exhausted and fell asleep.  
While he was sleeping he had nightmares about the World Cup. Jasper woke up and decided to go awol for a few weeks, he just needed some time alone.

The 9.September he had a euro qualifying match against The Czech Republic. So he went to Zlín a few days before the game with his teammates. Captain van Persie knew immediately that something was up with Japser. It was not like him dressing almost all black, and the hood completely over his head.

He tried talking to Jasper, but he gave him a fake smile saying he was ok. The Dutch team went out for dinner at the day before the match. Jasper was sitting next to his friend and former teammate Daley Blind. Blind asked Jasper "why are you so depressed?" Jasper refused to talk about it, and tried to change the subject to something else.

The boys all went to bed early to get some much needed rest. The players arrived at the stadium. They headed into the locker room and started to get dressed for the game. Everyone but Jasper was changing. Jasper went to the bathroom to change alone. He didn't want his teammates to see his cuts and scars.

The game started and The Netherlands lost the game 2-1. The first thing Jasper did he ran to the bathroom and locked himself in. His teammates were outside trying to get him to come out. The loss wasn't his fault, but Jasper refused.

Tim Krul and Daley decided to hide in the locker room and wait for Jasper. When the coast was clear, Jasper snook out of the bathroom and into the shower. Letting the warm water run over his scared arms and tear wet face. As he was standing there, Tim and Daley confronted him.

Jasper took his towel and wrapped it around his body. Daley was the first one to ask about his cutting and the self harming. Jasper tried to change the topic. Tim said we're talking about your problems now. There aren't going to be a change of topic, you can just tell us what's up with you Jasper.

Jasper was afraid and relieved at the same time. He finally had someone who knew about his problems. Daley and Tim took Jasper back to the hotel room, and talked for several hours. Before telling Robin about it. Robin hugged Jasper and stroked his blonde hair while he was saying. It's OK, Jasper we got your back. We'll do anything we can do to help you.

A few hours later Daley walked past Jasper's hotel room. He could feel it on him that something was wrong. So he went to the reception and said he stayed in that room, and had locked his key in the room. He ran back to the room. The shower was running so he went to the bathroom, and found Jasper unconscious.

He called the ambulance service and found a bottle of pills next to Jasper. He took Jasper and started CPR and hoped for the best. After about 2 mins Jasper coughed and vomited up some of the pills. Daley calms down his panicking friend, and the EMT's came and took him to the hospital. The whole ride Jasper slipped in and out of conciseness. At the hospital they pump his stomach and puts him on a ventilator.

The Dutch team gathers in the hospital. Seeing their friend on a ventilator, and hooked up to an IV machine. That gives him fluids and an antidote. Jasper's room is so quiet except for the mechanical sound of the ventilator. You could hear a pin drop. The team just sits there in shock watching. Jasper sleep, and watching his steady heartbeat on the monitor. Robin sits next to the bed just holding Jasper's hand,stroking his pretty blonde hair. Like a father watching over his sick child.

Robin can't handle it anymore and burst into tears. It's my fault I'm the captain, I should have seen Jasper struggling months ago. I'm just a failure, you guys deserve better. Dirk Kuyt stands up and says Robin please shut up, this is not your fault. We all could have watched more over Jasper. He always said he was fine and wouldn't talk about it. You see Robin we can't just force him to talk. If he didn't want to we respect that, but now when we see what he's been keeping to himself. It's our job to help him, not blaming each other for this. Daley said to Dirk and Robin that the speech Dirk gave was the perfect thing to do. They all missed that smile on Jasper's face, and his funny jokes and all his sass.

The next morning the team's doctor manages to get Jasper. Sent to a hospital in Amsterdam. They fly him to Schiphol and take him to the best hospital. Where his parents and brother are waiting. "Why did you do it schatje?" We love you no matter what, there is only one of you my sweet sweet boy said his mother. Before kissing him soft on his cheek.

The doctor came in and told them that they were holding back the medicine. He should wake up some time tomorrow. There was a sigh of relief in the room, Jasper had made it. He was strong enough to be taken out of his medically induced coma. Jasper woke up the following morning, choking on his breathing tube. His parents got scared but was reassured by the doctors, saying this was a good sign. It just shows that his lungs are functioning properly. His body is rejecting the tube, wanting to breathe on its own.

Hi schatje you're awake, don't talk now. You're in the hospital you tried to take your own life. Just listen to your teammates. Said his father before giving the room to Robin,Tim and Daley. Robin started the conversation by saying the next time you do a stunt like this. I'll kill you myself. There will not be another suicide attempt. You will agree to be sent to a psychiatric hospital for treatment. Or else you're off the national team and your team in the Dutch league. "Do you understand how serious we are about this?" You are the best goddamn goalkeeper in the Netherlands, and you ain't quitting now. Hang in there buddy, we all got your back. Tim and Daley nodded at each other agreeing to the captain's speech. Before they all headed out of the room, and went back to their own hometowns.

Jasper was laying in the bed thinking about what his friends had told him. He decided to be strong and fight to get back. He told his family, that got so happy at his decision. That they went out and picked up his favorite food and movie. They watched the movie and shared a meal together for the last time for now. The next day Jasper went to the psychiatric hospital to get better.

The first days of his stay in the hospital hurt him a lot. As it often does when you're this depressed. He bit his teeth together saying Jasper this is your moment. You'll make it remember what your friends and family told you. You are stronger than you feel. The rest of his stay went better, and he learned allot about coping with his problems. On the day of release his mother came to pick him up. Telling him a white lie about his dad not being able to make it because of his job. Jasper was a bit disappointed deep down, but it quickly changed. When he saw his dad and teammates from both the national team and Ajax. Waiting for him on the outside with flags and a cake.

At that moment Jasper saw how much everyone just cared about him. He ran straight up to give his captain a hug for arranging everyone to be there on his release day. They all agreed that the smile on Jasper's face was worth traveling for. It really could melt hearts.


End file.
